Being a Good Listener

The question I’m most often asked in the classroom is “what questions should I be asking my witnesses?” So while asking the right questions is important, perhaps more critical is learning how to listen. Here are a few things to consider:

Don’t Interrupt

It’s hard to listen when you are thinking of your next couple of questions. Interruptions derail a person’s train of thought as well as his spontaneity and the interview rhythm may be lost forever. There’s a lot to be learned by allowing a witness to ramble and vent. When we listen to children or the elderly, we are usually quite patient and let them express their thoughts without interruption. Model this behaviour when interviewing.

Be Empathetic: Don’t Condemn, Argue or Patronize

If you want to stop someone from sharing information with you simply be judgmental, argumentive or patronizing. Embarrassing a witness about not being aware of an important safety rule may not stop them from talking but it will make them cautious about opening themselves up for additional criticism or ridicule. “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”. Doing so will make you the type of listener that people feel they can trust.

Be Aware of Personal Space

Generally, personal space is about an arms length away. Closer than that and people begin to feel uncomfortable. You can judge the other persons’ comfort level by watching their body language. If you get too close they may withdraw, become tense, cross their arms or look away. If you move too far away the witness may loose focus and start looking around as if they are preparing to leave or they may simply stop talking.

Be Involved, Not Intense

Speakers are looking for signs you are listening. Nodding your head or a quiet “I understand” or “right” is all it takes and are not considered distracting. A silence pause on your behalf can be used to encourage a witness to provide additional information. However, too much silence on your part makes for a one sided conversation and a witness may stop talking as he doesn’t see you as contributing. A little bit of eye contact on your part is reassuring; too much or an overly concerned look of compassion and concern seems phony and will turn people off.

Talk About Yourself, but Don’t Get Too Familiar Too Fast

Good conversation is a two way street. You can’t expect people to open up to you unless you are prepared to reveal a little about yourself. If you reveal too much about yourself too soon you may put the other person off. Pick the right time – if in doubt reveal less as you can always play catch up as your relationship with the witness matures.

Summarized from Reading People by Jo-Ellan Dimitrius

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